Take a Breathe and Sit
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
I start this blog with basmalah with a big hope of
blessing from God to us. Aamiin
Prologue
You are not my kids anymore
In this life there were so much ridiculous
realities that we have to--accepted* just because of common people accepted it. A
couple days ago I talked with my friend about religion conversion. Before going
through that, we talked about how many people in my religion consciously that
they became a Muslim because of their parents-inherit. the question springs in
my mind, how could a person be able to run something seriously and deeply, when
even they did not realize it. At least, we could figure it out. Why do we stay in
this faith and become a muslim consciously? For me, it’s ridiculous when the
parents prentend not to admit their kids anymore because of their own decision
of their faith. Whether or not non-muslim converts to another religion or the
opposite one. It’s ok, when we feel disappointed or downcast as their parents.
That’s normal. But, it’ll be ridiculous when we lost our mind and our heart
full of lust to get angry, then do something that reflects worse things as a
religious people. Probably we have to look to ourself, we don’t know the reasons
that our kids convert or leave the faith it driven by us. we do not recognized
it oftenly. While talked about it, I remembered about Sabrang Panuluh, the son
of Cak Nun,. He has become atheist. Then he was back to Islam consciously
without any compulsion from anyone. “I am curious how his parent feelings and
what they did when they knew their child became atheist” that was my question. Allah itself
said, لَآ اِكْرَاهَ فِى الدِّيْنِۗ there shall be no compulsion in (acceptance of) the
religion. (Al Baqarah:256)
In my case, if I wear long pants to go outside my
mom will upset to me. Even she said that she will not admit me anymore as her
daughter. I know exactly the law of wear pants in my religion. It’s ok. But
because of my mom’ mindset and it’s because my grandpa thought that if girl wears
pants that means that girl tries to resemble a boy, which is in my religion,
it’s haram. I have talked about it to my mom it’s not haram when a girl wears
long pants in Islam, but ya Till now, if I want to wear my long pants, I’ll do
it when my mom outside. I couldn’t deny that I’m still feel afraid of her. haha
I remember when I was in 4 grades of
elementary school, I was hesitated of my faith. “is it really the right faith?
How if is it wrong?” I could not ask this question to my parent--you can guess
my reason. Then I tried to find it by myself.
I have been in this situation for about 3 years
(23-25 years old) I was feeling empty, and did not know why I should pray.
Even I felt it, I have no courage to leave it. That’s why, I was not surprised
when my friend told me that she started to pray 5 times a day at 23 years old.
Similar with me, she feels empty and has no idea about the reason. This common
in Muslim family since we were little
kid, our parent just commanded us to do prayer. Without explaining it to us,
what exactly the reason is. Why we “need” it instead “should” pray. They will get
upset to us, even hit the kids because of leaving it. Religion becomes so
narrow, the only color that we can see is only black and white.
It's common, so it’s normal
Now let’s talk about LGB (Lesbian, Gay and
Bisexual). Ryu Hasan said in neuroscience and psychology those are not a disease.
It will become a disease when they feel uncomfortable with their sexual
orientation. So they need to go to the therapist when they feel uncomfortable,
not to make them to be heterosexual but to help them to feel comfortable with
their own sexual orientation. And we have to understand the different of sexual
orientation (feeling) and sexual behaviour (action). My cousin told to me about
her experience teaching at the school with so much LGB students. They said to
my cousin, “We feel tortured with ourselves. We want to be straight. Our family
brought us to psychologist till ruqyah place to make us straight. But it does
not work. We often have a will to suicide ourselves”. Or the story about a man
in Bandung, he is a gay. But he said because of his belief, he chose to get married
with woman. He could not deny that he still had more attraction to man than
woman even after getting married. He accepted his sexual orientation (feeling)
but he did not not follow his lust to do sexual behaviour with another man
because of his belief. It’s tough to do. Really really tough. But ya, LGB is still
something uncommon in our society. This is disgusting and even worse
than animal. Our society will say like that. Something bad even worse can
be normal just because it already becomes ‘common’. It’s like we are who
determinate level of sin. How ridiculous. If this is about a big sin, even if
we are heterosexual, we are possible to do a big sin. Zina, cheating from our
partner, make a haram relation. How many children were killed because of haram
relation between heterosexual people.
We all struggle with our feeling. I agree that we
couldn’t always follow our feeling or our lust affecting the happiness reason.
If we hate someone, and our feeling said that we really wanted to push that
person to an abyss. It will be terrible if we do it right? Or when we are madly
in love to someone, then our feeling tells us to be with that person even that
person who is already in relation with someone else. There are a lot of things
that we can feel it, but we can't do it. We have no right to judge or give
label to someone else. So we do need to focus on ourselves. We need to struggle
of our own life test instead act like God. We must understand our limitation.
Each of us struggles with our own sin. Our
laziness to learn, become a toxic parents or friend, lazy to do prayer,
gossiping, spread hoax, easly to get angry, secretly do iftar, watch porn, make
a haram relationship, cheating, have behaviour to say something bad to others
or even to ourself, steal, rob, do sexual harransement, easly to give ‘label’
to others, egoist, arrogant, etc. As we know some of this kind of sin looks normal or
isn’t a big deal, again it is just because of already common in our society.
It is easy for us to leave sin, when we are never
used to do it. For example for me, it’s easy not to eat pork or drink alcohol
and smoke because I were not used to consume it. But it will be different if I
am used to consume that all like for several years. I need to struggle to leave
it. As we see in our society, someone who is addictive to smoke. Often lost
their mind, they smoke whenever they want. They know smoking is bad. But they
like it and even feel need it. Even it’s dangerous also for other people. When
they decide to leave that behaviour, obviously they need to struggle. In my
case as a teacher, I am a bad teacher. And when I decide to be a better teacher,
I put my effort in the process and it takes so many years till now and later.
And of course, we need to pray every day to God. To guide us.
When I was in boarding school, I learned that “when
you did a sin, do not ever make trivial of it”. As a human being, we are
definitely do mistakes. And the things that we have to do are learning from
that mistakes. It will be worse, when we make trivial of our mistakes. Then
make justifications for our mistakes. It will hurt yourself and others.
We keep standing in our misconception because we
want to believe that we want to. And our brain will try to find the reasons
that can support our belief. In the end we do not believe the truth, we do believe
that we want to. It’s worse. We need to cultivate our willing to learn more and
tabayyun.
Then
Habib Ja’far told in his channel, there was a young
man who wanted to leave his behaviour to drink alcohol. But he said it’s really
difficult for him. So, Habib Ja’far said, “hmm.. you can do this. Whenever you
wanted to drink alcohol you read basmallah” and long short story that guy
stopped consume alcohol because of ashamed of basmallah.
It’s a beautiful and insightful story . Just like
my story in the beginning of this article. Do it slowly. Accepting the process.
We all need process and need to be patient.
He said I wanted my way of da’wah just like a google maps. When it said “turn right”
then because we don’t get it we turn straight. Google maps will not say to us
“you are morron! I said turn right”. But, the things that google
maps will do is to try to find another way for us. Then we can reach our
destination.
This life is the place for us to struggle from bad
things or good things.
I remember Buya Syakur said why in the holy quran the longest story is about fir’aun. Because many people who act like God. Just like fir’aun did. As fellow servants, we cannot fill another report. Let Rokib and Atid do it, and Allah will determine the final result.
وَمَآ اُوْتِيْتُمْ مِّنَ الْعِلْمِ اِلَّا قَلِيْلًا
اِهْدِنَا الصِّرَاطَ الْمُسْتَقِيْمَ
08 Ramadhan 1443/10 April 2022
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